An Apology

One of my children finds it extremely difficult to apologise. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, she will try anything to pass the blame onto someone else, and when that fails she will just refuse point blank to say ‘sorry’.

I wouldn’t like to identify which child it is ( it’s not the oldest, youngest or second youngest!!) as that would be unfair, having said that she seems to think EVERYTHING is unfair.
She has always been strong willed and, if I’m honest, I think in a lot of ways this is to be admired. Life can be tough so some self determination and stubbornness can be great attributes at times but figuring out how to encourage these traits and yet getting her to realise she has to accept and acknowledge when she is wrong is something I’m struggling to figure out!
We knew that there was trouble ahead a long while back, on a trip home to Granny and Grandads she dropped an apple on the ground, Grandad asked her to pick it up…she said no, Grandad wasn’t sure what to do but spend 30 mins asking her to pick it up, she refused point blank.
It would be an understatement to say that Grandad was horrified. She was only 4 but as stubborn as a mule. We headed away for the day and she was denied all the treats that the others were allowed. She didn’t seem that fazed by the punishment and on return that evening when she saw Grandad’s jeep in the drive she announced ‘I’m still not picking up the apple’.
We had an hour long stand off again this week, she refused to apologise to her sister, it is exhausting and upsets everyone and although I try to appeal to her better nature, she can be incredibly sweet and kind, the battle of wills is head wrecking.
The only thing in my favour is my stubbornness (she didn’t pick it up from the ground!!) but I continually look for ways to avoid these head on battles. I would love to know that as she gets older she will realise the consequence of not apologising. The word ‘sorry’ can be a very powerful thing….but only if you use it.

10 thoughts on “An Apology”

  1. I have one like that. She physically finds it impossible to say the word, because (of course) there's no earthly way she means it. (Hmm. Maybe it's a sign of enormous honesty.) Last time, I said, "Maybe you can say a code word, something that sounds like sorry, or something that we know means sorry." She said "Sorena" or something like that; and I let it go. It seemed to work well to get us all out of a tight spot when nobody feels they can back down, and I hope I remember it next time. Life's too short to spend an hour arguing with a small child.

    1. That's a brilliant idea…it's kind of a win win situation…am definitely going try it next time, I'm sure I won't have to wait too long!!

  2. I've a fiesty person too but at the same time he is incredibly, almost painfully, shy. It's his personality and even though I find him challenging on a daily basis, I have to remind myself not to lose the plot with him. It's hard.

    1. It sure is, it's trying to stoke the balance between encouraging their individual personalities and yet realising the impact of their actions!

    1. Ill try not to, she is great fun and is very easy to love so I suspect she will sail through life totally unbothered by this!!

  3. I've always thought it's interesting that small kids, even from a very young age, don't like to say sorry. My three are the same – even the two year old. Hey – that many people can't be wrong 🙂

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