A Letter to a First Time Mother

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Dear First Time Mother,

Firstly congratulation, your gorgeous bundle has arrived.
You are most likely besotted, overwhelmed, love struck and terrified all at once.
It is probably the most dramatic life changing event you have ever experienced and nothing will prepare you for this. The good news is that it is life changing in the best possible way, but as you find you feet in your new world it may not always seem this way.
Being a first time mum is often a source of ridicule to the ‘more experienced’ mums, the phrase is often linked with negative comments and derisory remarks, but remember, every mother starts out as a ‘first time mum’ so pay no heed, we’ve all learned as we went along, it’s part of the journey, part of the fun.
The purpose of my letter is not to advise, but to share some of what I have learned.
•Be wary of advice from well meaning strangers, you will get loads of it and most of it will be rubbish.
•The early days with a newborn can be lonely, it’s ok to feel that, join some groups and stay connected to friends as it really helps
•It’s perfectly normal to question both your reason for having a baby, and the chosen father of the baby during the first few months…your life, and hormones have been turned upside down, yet everyone else’s life carries on as normal, it’s ok to feel some outrage at this.
•You will gush and possibly bore people describing the minute detail of your little darling, that’s just fine, it’s your first so it’s perfectly acceptable ( after your first it’s no longer tolerated!)
•It is not possible to spoil a child with love, so hold, snuggle and cuddle your baby as much and as often as your baby and you need it.
•Forget about any form of routine before 3 months, and from there on watch for your baby’s patterns, following them makes life so much more pleasant than trying to force a routine.
•In the first few months you can never bring enough nappies and change of babygros with you on a trip, when you think you have enough, add more.
• If anyone suggests that you leave your baby to ‘cry it out’ or mentions ‘controlled crying’ ask them to go home and cry themselves to sleep and see how loved and secure and safe they feel after it!
• You will buy too much stuff, you will bring the kitchen sink for just a one night sleepover, but that’s fine, it’s a right of passage, you’ll do it, you’ll learn, you’ll look back and laugh about it.
•There is no magic solution that will help your baby ‘sleep through’, your baby will do it when they are ready, if you can accept that and go with it you will avoid the inevitable ‘head melt’ that is associated with trying to find the perfect ‘sleep solution’. Also it’s worth ‘faking it till you make it’. Nod and smile if people ask you if your baby is sleeping, otherwise you will be inundated with the aforementioned rubbish advice!
• Remember, no one has ever had YOUR child before, it is your baby that you grew from scratch, your body knew what to do when it was on the inside, and you will know what to do now it’s on the outside. Trust yourself, if it feels right it probably is right. 
• Enjoy every smile, every kiss and every cuddle….it is but a fleeting moment until they are walking, talking toddlers and the newborn, who seemed so tiny, is no more.
Please treat this letter like you should treat all other books/blogs/advise that you read about parenting….that is; take from it what feels right to you and ignore the rest. There are no such things as ‘parenting experts’, no one will ever know your baby better than you.

Kind regards and warmest congratulations,
An exhausted, sleep deprived but deliriously happy mother of four xxx 

14 thoughts on “A Letter to a First Time Mother”

    1. Thank you Lucy, I wish I had read it myself 8 years ago, my biggest regret is that I was so busy trying to get everything 'right' with my first that I nearly missed out on enjoying it!! X

  1. Lovely. Lovely. LOVELY. So wise and true. Absolutely gorgeous. Please send that to ALL the parenting magazines. There are some important messages there particularly the "reason for having a baby and choosing the father." I resented my husband so much, so often and for so long. I never twigged, even after the 4th one, this is NORMAL. And it's actually ok. Just let them know you most likely will feel this way.

    1. Thank you Gwen, it's mad how much resentment you can feel towards someone you know deep down you truly love!! It definitely make it easier when you know it's normal and you know to expect it xx

  2. This is what I needed six months ago! Absolutely perfect and should be handed to all who meander into the doors of Ireland's maternity units!

  3. Such a lovely post and really makes you think. I'm currently in the "head melt" stage of searching for the magical sleep solution…but it'll happen eventually. Just gotta keep reminding myself of that! Thanks, really well written…

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