Bedtime Blues

Bedtime in our house goes something like this…

Good night;
I’m out and I miss it entirely (rare occurrence!)
Bad night;
I’m home and have to do it because Daddy apparently doesn’t sing the song right/read the story right/have sufficient nails for the back scratching while (badly) singing the song!! Yes I am serious!!!!!
Good Night;
I read some of our latest Roald Dahl book ( while ignoring the pleas for The Idiot Princess Number 292!!)
 Bad Night;
I rush through the shortest, least wordy book I can find
Good Night;
I patiently allow the three year old to show me EVERY colour that’s the ‘zact same’ as the monkey’s blue bottom in this book.


Bad Night;
I pretend that the dog has eaten the book!
Good Night;
They are all tired and nod off to sleep quickly.
Bad Night;
We miss that tiny window of tiredness and they are swinging out if the bunk bed  long after they go to bed
Good Night;
When they come out of their beds to tell me they can’t sleep, I remain calm and sit with them for a while to help them settle ( very rare occurrence!)
Bad Night;
When they come out of their beds to tell me they can’t sleep I chase them down the hall, screaming like a mad woman and tell them unless there is actual blood or fire in the room they ARE NOT TO LEAVE IT ( frequently occurs!)
Good Night;
We chat about the stories of the day, what made them happy, what made them sad…
Bad Night;
I tell them if they utter another word my head might actually fly off!!
Good Night;
They go to sleep comforted and reassured that they are special and loved
Bad Night;
They go to sleep wondering who this deranged lunatic is that claims to be their mother!!
Good Night;
I return to the sitting room, assured of my amazing parenting ability 
Bad Night;
I sit in the sitting room devasted by my failure to be an amazing parent!
I promise myself that tomorrow night will be better..I will have more patience…I will be more mindful of their needs

Every Friday and Saturday Night;
I console myself with a glass or two of wine!!!

We have more good nights than bad but there is no doubt…..I frigging hate bedtime!!
It has caused me to do one thing I thought I’d never do…swear on my own blog…..but I FUCKING hate it!!!!!

12 thoughts on “Bedtime Blues”

  1. Bedtime sounds eventful in your house! I count my lucky stars every night Luke goes to bed without any fuss but he's still young and I know this can and will change in an instant at some point, I've no doubt I'll also turn into some kind of deranged lunatic!

    1. Ah, Louise…I remember the lovely days of popping them into the cot, a quick kiss and that was it. They do change but not always in a bad way..just become more aware of the whole bedtime thing. I can give you any tips you need to find your inner deranged lunatic!!!

  2. I have these days too, particularly the "shit we missed the window and now he's an hysterical screaming lunatic! The weekend wine does help though. I love the snuggly nights too. (Although I often nod off myself…;) )

  3. Loved that! I reckon it goes on in every single house in the WORLD!!!!!! My lot have an extensive library but they are fast growing out of it. At the same time, I am not looking forward to having to read something that has actual CHAPTERS in it and no pictures!!! Thankfully the oldest is now reading his own stuff.

    1. Oh god the CHAPTERS!! We read the entire collection of My Naughty Little Sister last winter, worst written books ever, it actually pained me…the kids loved them though! Eldest is great to read now and if littlest man is acting up she will read the story for the others #delegation!!

  4. Speaking as one who muttered tasty phrases like 'bastards', 'assholes' and Stalin (aimed at one particular one) most of last week, I feel your pain. So far bedtime is bearable here but only just.
    I suggest party every night like its Friday or Saturday. You'll forget it all in a blurry hazy lovely way!

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