A few weeks ago I took part in a post on Bumbles of Rice where I listed things that would make me squeal with happiness if I found them under the tree on Christmas morning. The following is a list of things that I know I won’t find but would make me cartwheel, like a deranged monkey, around the sitting room if someone gave them ( invented them!)to me. This isn’t a complete list but the ‘top priority’ ones helpfully broken into categories based on where I
waste spend most of my time.
Now I’m going to be perfectly honest here and admit that I hate driving a ‘mammywagon’ It’s not the 7 seats that bother me, it’s the sheer ugliness of them. Now a 7 seater jeep would be much more to my taste but unfortunately it’s not quite to my bank accounts taste, so in the meantime the following that are things that would make life in the mammywagon a whole lot easier.
Now I’m not talking about those tiny but ultimately useless clutch bags that masquerade as a handbag, I’m talking more along the lines of ‘just-smaller-than-a-suitcase’ type of bag. What I need is a place in the car,right alongside me, where this will fit. It is pointless having it in the deep recesses of the footwell, I’ve been known to dislocate a shoulder trying to haul it up in search of toll money, not even mentioning the gymnastic type moves required to reach it whilst driving. And yes, I should have the money ready before starting the journey but with pilfering children around that’s just not a good idea.
NOBODY drives mammywagons for their exciting good looks, their ability to corner in Tesco’s car park without loosing speed! If you drive one it’s because you have a clatter of kids that need transporting so for the love of god could you please incorporate integrated booster into ALL mammywagons, not just the fancy ( an oxymoron if ever there was one) ones
There are parents everywhere that would happily swap their firstborn for a soundproof glass panel that descended from just behind the front seats. If you have ever travelled in a car with squabbling children you will know that this could well be considered a life saving device.
The Smart Dishwasher
There is phenomenon in our house whereby people place their dirty dishes as near as possible to the dishwasher but not actually in the dishwasher and somehow magical they get absorbed into it, or at least that’s what my family believe!!
Of course it’s this big eegit who ends up putting them in but if the dishwasher could detect the presence of dirty dishes in its vicinity and scream loudly at the offender then that would save me a whole lot of work and shouting ( see also; laundry and laundry baskets)
And, on the very off chance that there is a dishwasher manufacturer reading, when are you going to invent a dishwasher that can hold the dishes of a medium sized family and still have enough room for saucepans…seriously who the hell wants to wash saucepans, and while I’m on the subject, I’d bet a large bottle of gin that the dishes used in your trial to get a 12 piece setting capacity would be more at home in Hobbitsville than in a normal family kitchen.
An automatic seat-down device would be very welcome in any house that has males in it.
A siren that goes off if small hand aren’t washed would be greeted with much joy also.
Now just in case you think I’m ungrateful, I’m not, I adore my kid so but here are just a few ‘design flaws’ I’ve noticed that need addressing
Self Feeding Children
Now I’m not talking about the children using a knife and fork, we have that skill mastered ( mostly) I’m actually talking about the need to feed them at least 3 times a day…every single day. I mean I love cooking an all but seriously, it’s a form of torture, a kind of culinary hamster wheel, to have to do it so bloody often. ( See also; feeding husbands)
Those self same children that have to be manhandled out of their beds every single school morning seem to relish the early wake ups on a Saturday or Sunday…WHY I ASK YOU….WHY???
So this is a small synopsis of the things that drive me crazy on a daily basis, there are probably very many more, and if you would like to add any feel free to add them in the comments.
If you’re looking for me, I’ll be found unloading and reloading the dishwasher or scrubbing pots and pans because sure, I’ve nothing else to be doing!!
3 thoughts on “Christmas Wish List | Confessions of a Desperate Housewife”
This made me laugh! Sign me up for the glass panel and the smart dishwasher please!
I’ll be on Dragons Den with my Smart Dishwasher idea before you know it😂
Very good. I just want a dyson hand dryer style, baby washer and drier. Pop nappy off,, dunk baby to waist, boom clean and dry baby. Save a fortune on wipes too